22.10.08

I dreamt that I died
And to heaven did go
I rang the bell gaily
Bowed down very low
I said I'm from Wick
My how they did stare
Come right in said Peter
You're the first one from there

I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive

Busy weekend getting ready for Spain. Managed a yomp over the Heath Sat morn with Ms Johansson for a couple of hours. It’s become a regular pleasure tramping out in the fresh air and blowing away the cobwebs and hopefully we can keep it up in winter months. Visited Ms J’s gym afterwards and got caught in a heated argument with the manager. His analogy of membership and chocolate bars didn’t go down too well (don’t mention the Mars). We left.

Shopping turned into a bit of a scavenger hunt as I biked it from Holloway to Marylebone to Camden to Finsbury Park. Gathered up fish oil, Conran bag, St John’s Wort, audio book, homeopathic dog treats, organic soups and brain making kit! Had a much needed lunch break with a very hungover GP who convinced me to take the bike home and returned to share bottle(s) of wine at the Slapper. Missed the game (2-1 us woohoo) but one’s duties to sorting the World must not go neglected. Headed to Crouchie for overdue birthday drinks with Lice Pratt at the Queens. Its official – I’m talked out.

Listening to: Hank Williams

Superstitious

Too excited to post - have just won Stevie Wonder tickets for tonight at the 02 (and box set) - excellent.

Edit: horoscope today - "Best day for a blind date: September 11 - hands down!" Hehe

Elvis,The Cat & The Clown

Popped up to With at the weekend for a long overdue catch-up with Slapper & the twins. Always good to see them and put the world to rights over a couple of bottles of wine … and um whisky … and err gin … oops. Headed to Valley Gardens the next day and hid our hangovers under a mask of face-paint. Unimpressed the boys wouldn’t join in & despite Slap’s best brainwashing weren’t too pleased to meet Elvis (aka Steve “Uh-huh” Caprice) either. Still we cheered up some pensioners and helped at least one wino back on the wagon. M n M had their first day at school – traumatic – v- ecstatic – kind of sets the pace for life boys. Trained it back on Monday and shared relationship advice, cider and tattoos with ex Naval officer Wesley from Brid. "I don't suffer fools gladly" he said showing me a bicep with "I Don't Suffer Fools Gladly" written on it...

3 hours in the singing dentist’s chair! 3 hours and I look like a cross between Mr Ed and Dick Emery’s vicar. And for those of you who don’t know dentist Lip Jin (seriously) that meant 3 hours of Elvis – or more to the point singalonga Elvis. “It’s Now or Never”, “Don’t Be Cruel”, “All Shook Up” & “A Little Less Conversation” – the man’s a sadist.

Reading: "Cloud Atlas"/David Mitchell

Speedo Freak

In the midst of landlord shenanigans Big Brother called and cheered me up no end. He really is tenacious when it comes to work and money and can spin just about anything to his advantage. He’s rebuilding a fort on Hadrian’s Wall, a castle in Aberdeen and is “well known in lighthouse circles”. Lord knows how but no doubt “economy” and “truth” were involved. This from the man who once told me Marco Pierre White was giving him one to one cookery lessons – he was reading his book of recipes. He’s currently selling old stuff on eBay and some random is bidding for his second hand Speedos. That he’s confessed to wearing them is bad enough. On checking the bidder’s buying history turns out he’s a bit of an aficionado. 24 pairs. Same size. All used.

For those with sensitive minds (and stomachs) there is no photo with this entry.

Reading: “Naked Pueblo”/Mark Poirier

Minor followed by major rant

Couldn’t face the prospect of the sweaty crush and squabble Londoners affectionately call “the Tube” and biked it in. Calmly (unusually) & patiently drove round & round & round Soho for 20 mins until finally, with the help of a burly Eastern European builder, managed to squeeze her in between a gorgeous silver Guzzi and generic plastic scooter on Glasshouse Street. Jauntily sauntered through Golden Square happy in the knowledge that she was safe for the day.

When parking in Central London you always return to the vehicle with a certain amount of trepidation:- a snapped wing-mirror; clutch cable removed perhaps; bent front forks? No, not this time – a ticket. A parking ticket. For parking in a bike bay – a bike bay I’ve used for the last ten, TEN years. My own fault really for not reading the propaganda free sheets but apparently Westminster Council are now charging bikes to park in bike bays. Brilliant. You’re really pushing the eco message home here boys.

So B******d Landlord – you know the one – wanted to charge me the cost of removing and “storing” the flea ridden mattress he optimistically called a bed when I moved in – yes him – well turns out we’re irrevocably tied until February. This hasn’t sunk in sufficiently to make me suicidal - yet. Just tipping the scales on outright rage though. I argued he’d moved in another tenant without consultation but he said the mice weren't paying rent so didn’t count.

Worryingly my current life choices all have a similar price tag – move & lose a months deposit (home/health) –v- OU course (self-improvement) –v- wing-walking (fun) –v- front tooth replaced (health/vanity) –v- night out with Ms Pollock (more fun but I won’t remember it)…

Pigs Ears and Fossilised Frogs

6 days without a drink. Viewed potential flat at the ungodly (for a Saturday) hour of 9 am. That’s what not drinking does to you. Walked to Parkway and picked up some fish oil for AXPK90 and a pigs ear for Beau who’s recuperating from meningitis. Get well soon B. It seemed churlish not to pick one up for Monti too and I imagined his glee on greeting the postie. Chatted with AXPK90 later and she told me she’d sent the squashed frog we found to wee David in Spain. What a great Grannie to have. Also mentioned that the pits in Lochgelly all had girls names. Barbara? Maybe not. A called to say he’s off to the North Sea next week and I googled his vessel the “Sir John Murray” whilst he was on the phone – all looks a bit Vital Spark but he said I should have seen the last one. Happy sailing A and may calm seas prevail.

Reading: "March Violets"/Philip Kerr

SM 1 Meeces 0

Mousy mousy my maggot ridden friend
If only I’d known how this would end
I’d have bought you some cheese and not called the mouse-man
Shared the chocolate, the wine, and my house and
We could of hung out together and killed some time
But you went and crossed that unwritten line
You crashed on my bed when I wasn’t there
Left urine footprints and clumps of mouse hair
On my pillow – MY PILLOW! I mean - perleeease?
That amounted to giving me little mouse V’s
So furry friend where’er you reside
In heaven or hell (or a waitrose bag in the bin outside)
I’m sorry I couldn’t have been more caring
But please note – this bed’s not for sharing

Who is this Swinton woman?

And what’s she trying to do to Nairn?

Call from AXPK90 this morning
“We’ve got a film star in our midst, Tilda something”
“Swinton Mum, I know”
“Yes she’s got some film festival thing going on”
“Yes Mum I told you about it”
“Swinton that’s her name, she’s got an Oscar”
“It’s where we played bingo”
“I think it’s in the old bingo hall”
Feeling we were descending into what are commonly known in our house as “Pipex Waters” we moved to safer ground and discussed the cat’s burst abscess.

Reading: "20,000 Streets Under the Sky"/Patrick Hamilton